Oddly, even though I may end up in Japan, I always dream about Taiwan.
Last time I dreamnt that i was there again. That’s always how it is – I’m just there again. No reason.
Things are different. Visually. I don’t know why. Last time, Taiwan looked similar to California. But – it was still Taiwan, and I was so excited to be back.
This time, again, I don’t know why I was there. It was present time, so I know I wasn’t graduated. I was at my old dormitory, just walking around. But the dormitory was vast and big, not smaller like it used to be. It was dark browns and reds, something out of England. Maybe, dare I say, out of Hogwarts.
The most amazing thing: My parents were there, too.
I didn’t even ask them to come – they were just there. I guess, in my dream, they had come to visit, and i was so jazzed, I immeadiately thought we should go into Taipei and look around. My parents don’t support me going to Asia. I know my mom wants me to be happy – but she wants me to be happy close to her. I’ve always found it a little selfish, considering I don’t think my parents would ever fly over to even see the place that makes me so happy.
In my dream, I had just gotten back, so I was a bit flustered myself. I didn’t have my track phone (I must have left it in America) and I diddn’t know where anyone was. In reality, i would have gone to facebook and told everyone – hey I’m back in Taiwan, what are your numbers? Their excitement is something I’d wait for. All my friends told me they would wait for me.
But instead, a Taiwanese, came up to me and said, “Oh I know Robin Su.” (Robin Su is at UNR right now, but was in Taiwan when I was.) For some reason, that was good, so I got his phone number, called him, no answer. I wanted to call Adam. Secretly, I wanted to call Ya lin. But I waited. It was like I was drawing out that good feeling to last forever.
In reality, to get to my bus stop you head out the doors, walk through a lush green campus to the main road (Roosevelt) and the bus stop is in the middle of it. Jagged buildings are everywhere, swarms of people and cars, tiny grocery stores, people grilling meat right out in the open ( a lot of shops didn’t have doors, they just rolled up a big door in the morning and the entire restaurant was open). It was right in Taipei.
But in my dream – we were out in the country. I think, we were at the airport? That would make sense. But I knew that students were with us, so I knew I was at my dorm. We found some other Americans, all expats too, and they told us where the bus stop was. The bus stop was completely different, up against a round green hill. But in my dream, I thought: oh yeah, there it is, how could I forget?
We got into this little bus, maybe only suitable for ten people. Then, get this, a robotic arm lifts up out of nowhere and an announcer says: “Due to increased traffic on the highway, please enjoy a scenic detour to downtown Taipei. Your travel time will remain the same, if not less. Let’s protect th environment.” The robotic arm lifts the car we are all in and puts us on a track that instantly sends us off into the rolling hills (and apparently towards Taipei)
Wow.
In my dream, I was completely used to it. I could tell my parents were impressed, and my step dad was trying to compare it to America. He acts like America has to be number one, but it’s not even about that anymore. Anyways, this was really weird, on the drive there were pieces of moving art. There were large cubes that would rearrange. Paintings that would morph and change color. It was sort of mind-blowing. When we arrived in Taipei, it was just like it was, oddly.
Though for some reason, there was Tianamen Square. Up on a hill. Maybe I should just change my dream city to Beiwan. (Beijing + Taiwan)
Things, unfortunately get fuzzy here, because 7 AM hit and I was starting to wake up. It was then I realized it was a dream, and I didn’t care. I woke up, was still for a moment as I realized this wasn’t real, that I was here in my bedroom, and then I shut my eyes and went right back into it. I was getting off at Shi Da with my parents and thinking, “where should we eat, where should we eat?”. I was pumping more reality into the dream: instead of Tianamen square in the distance, there was Taipei 101; there were the green mountains you couldn’t see except through cracks of buildings. There were the smells: tofu, curry and exhaust. The sounds: engines, people and the bells of travelling food carts. It was hot – but pleasant!
The signifigance of this dream was that it felt real, just like the others – but even more so. It was a warm, nostalgic and happy feeling. I was so settled and calm.
Makes me think, should I really move back to Japan? Taiwan makes me so happy. Then again, I would never think of moving back to Taiwan when it comes to Japan. It’s just automatic: You go to Asia, you go to Japan. You teach there, you’re happy. Even now, still sleepy and writing this blog in bed, I want to go to Japan. When I first got back from Taiwan though, I was a different story. I almost was completely over going to Japan. It was so obvious that my heart was in Taiwan.
And now.. is it just the distance in time?
I remember more of Taiwan – I was there for so much longer than I ever was in Japan. My memories are vivid and (obviously) permanent. But the ont thing that worries me about going back to Taiwan is that it won’t be the same. Sebas won’t be there, Jasmine, Jack, Belva and Austin won’t be there with me, sort of chuckling through all of our awkwardness. I know other people would be there, people whom I love, like Adama, Wei ni and Wen Sung and maybe even ya lin. (not a maybe, she’s definitely there.) I think about them so much, maybe more than I should..
But would it be enough? Does that mean I’m not ready to be alone in a different country?
I’m not sure. There are many questions to ponder.
But I know for one thing: I might have to ponder a lot harder come May.
